Lack of trust. No semblance of commitment. No sense of priorities. An absence of communication and understanding. These are just some of the many reasons that many relationships fail and have continued to fail throughout the times. Another reason is that life has become just too fast-paced, what with technology and deadlines due yesterday. Many of us don’t even have the time to stop and take a deep breath, let alone evaluate the relationships in our lives. In chasing after our goals, we tend to neglect the relationships, forgetting that these relationships matter more than money or fame or whatever sort of pipe dreams we mindlessly chase.
Communication (or lack thereof) is one of the main components that make or break a relationship. Men and women sometimes fail to understand each other because they function differently, in terms of their brains and their hearts. Women often bemoan the fact that men know nothing about women. And men have the same complaints, though they may not be as vocal as the opposite sex. Here are some things men want women to know about them.
15. Don’t make fun of us.
No one likes it when someone talks trash about them behind their backs, especially when it’s within hearing distance. Women are natural talkers and love sharing their problems and grievances about anything and everything under the sun to anyone who’s willing to listen, but most preferably their friends. Since their relationship is a major part of their lives, it’s inevitable that they talk about their partner in life, whether it’s venting about some of his not-so-desirable traits or gushing about something romantic that he did, but it’s more of the former situation. But for women, don’t make the mistake of making fun of him so carelessly to the point that he finds out about it. It’s humiliating in the least, perhaps more for men than for women when they’re made fun of. Ego issues and all. So if you want to regale your friends with stories about his faux pas, make sure he doesn’t find out about it!
14. Doing it isn’t on our brain 24/7.
History and biology books have always showed us that men are more sexually charged beings than women are and likely because of the testosterone that courses through their veins. If it weren’t for all turned on, there wouldn’t be so many popular adult magazines. Neither would there be porn. But in this day and age of feminism and women empowerment, many women have been demonstrating the same or even greater sexual prowess than men. Think Samantha Jones of Sex and the City, a character who has shamelessly slept with over a hundred men. So contrary to the way convention boxes in men, they don’t think about sex every single minute of the day. They think about other things too, like sports, cars, their jobs, DIY lists they need to take care of for the home. Sex inevitably weaves its way in and out of those thoughts, but it’s not on their brain literally every minute.
13. We like that you don’t look like a supermodel.
Men like categorizing the women they encounter in their lives. There are actresses, supermodels, and other hot female celebrities, whom men hold on a pedestal. These are women that they just admire from their computer or TV screens, women who are far, far beyond their reach. There are hot girls that they see on a daily basis, maybe at work or maybe at the gym. They lust after these girls and fantasize about bedding them, but only for one night. Then there are those nice-looking, pony-tail and black-rimmed glasses-wearing girl-next-door types that guys would consider relationship material. These girls are no supermodels, but they’re cute, at best and guys can envision taking them home to meet the parents and marrying them eventually. At the end of the day, men wouldn’t really care if their girl looked like Gisele Bundchen or Miranda Kerr. What matters to them is she’s kind and she’s got a good heart, never mind if she’s short or she’s got love handles or she doesn’t have the best skin.
12. We’re not mind-readers.
Girls are constantly on guys’ backs, telling them to mean what they say. On the flipside, guys bemoan that girls never say what they mean. When a guy meets up with his girl and she’s giving him the cold shoulder, it’s but natural to be puzzled, especially if, to his knowledge, he didn’t do anything to upset her. And when he asks what’s wrong, her automatic response is, “Nothing,” but he knows it’s an outright lie because something is obviously bothering her. So he pushes and pushes and she gets annoyed, finally snapping and saying that he should know why she’s mad at him. This frustrates guys to no end because how the heck are they supposed to know what’s bothering her if she won’t talk? Men can’t read minds. Nor can they sense the reason for her being upset, no matter how much he tries to wrack his brain. So to the ladies: put him out of his misery and tell him when something is bothering you, no matter how difficult it is to get out!
11. Don’t tell us what we can or can’t do.
Misogynistic as it sounds, it’s the truth that men don’t like being ordered around, especially by women. Sure, they often use the phrase, “she’ll be the death of me” when referring to instances that his wife or girlfriend is able to make him bend to her every whim—which is no tough task really, since many women know how to get men to do what they want. But the fact of the matter is, men have their limits. Asking him nicely to do something for you is fine. But if done in a demanding, condescending manner, it will surely not sit will with him. Same goes for giving him advise, especially if it’s unsolicited. If she starts off her sentence with “you should” or “you could,” it already sounds like an order, no matter how gentle or diplomatic her tone of voice. So if she wants to give him some advise, she has to tread carefully on how she approaches him.
10. We like showing off for you.
One thing that men love to do is showing to the world and especially their loved ones, that they’re successful. Whether it’s a job promotion, a salary raise, winning a marathon he trained hard for, or buying a new car or a new house, men love that feeling of being accomplished. Women too, of course, but this desire is more prevalent in men. If a man is able to buy his girl a nice piece of jewelry, it’s an accomplishment because it’s testament to the size of his bank account. If he has a basketball or football game with his buddies and he asks her to watch, he’d love nothing more than to score the winning basket or the final goal to show her that his practice sessions have paid off. He just wants her to be proud of him in whatever way possible, as that’s affirmation for him in terms of success standards.
9. Don’t string us along if you’re not interested.
Nobody likes being rejected. When you put yourself out there, reaching out beyond your comfort zone and putting your heart on the line, it’s a huge risk because you’re setting yourself up for possible failure. If your efforts pay off, well and good. It would have been worth the risk. But if your efforts are shot to hell? It’s so tempting to just retreat back into your shell and lick your wounds because no one likes their efforts to be brushed off. When a man pursues a woman, there’s a lot of uncertainty involved, especially if she’s the standoffish type. So to a woman who isn’t interested in the man who’s courting her, one good piece of advise is to let him down easy. Don’t string him along because it’s not fair to him or his efforts, especially if he’s sincere in his affections. He doesn’t deserve to be played with or have his strings pulled like one’s own personal puppet.
8. Be yourself. Don’t try too hard to like my hobbies.
One of the sexiest traits a man finds in a woman is when she is the best version of herself, whether she’s around him or not. Nobody likes a sycophant, a people pleaser, if you will. Because in trying to mold herself to conform with whatever situation she’s in, she loses who she is and he loses the chance to get to know and love her for who she really is. And there are girls who absolutely do this. She takes up her guy’s hobbies, even though she doesn’t have any interest in these activities, simply because she wants to please him and find ways to be close to him. And while that’s a great way to make an effort and show her man that she loves him, he’d like her to maintain her own hobbies and friends as well. If she immerses herself fully into his life, she runs the risk of being too clingy and losing her sense of self. That wouldn’t sit well with any decent guy.
7. Don’t make us your punching bag.
If there’s one thing nobody likes, it’s anyone who’s physical. And in this context, physical doesn’t pertain to anything intimacy-related. It means someone who has a heavy hand—someone who likes hitting or punching another person, even in jest, while he or she is telling a hilarious story. There are some girls who have this quirk. When someone cracks a joke or when she’s regaling people with a story, she hits or slaps the shoulder or arm of the person next to her. And though her punches may not hurt, it can still be irritating, especially to a guy. Because the tendency for anyone who is the recipient of a punch is to punch back and no man in his right mind would ever think of hitting a girl. So men would prefer if the girl would just keep her hands to herself and tone down on the punches.
6. Don’t bring up past issues in current arguments.
There’s a reason why the wise tell us to let bygones be bygones. Meaning, keep the past in the past. Because what good is it to dwell on events that have already transpired? It’s not like you can go back in time and undo a wrong you have committed. The best thing to do is focus on the present and how you can make amends moving forward. Men would kill to give this kind of advise to a girl, especially one who can’t let go of past issues. If the couple had previously argued about that time when he sided with his mom instead of his wife during a heated argument and he apologized for the mishap, that issue should be put to bed. But if in their next fight, she brings up his mamma’s boy tendencies again, he can very easily lose his temper on her because they had already agreed to let the incident stay in the past.
5. We appreciate when you make an effort to get to know our friends.
One of the most important traits a guy looks for in a girl is her ability to adapt to the people around her. Her adaptability means she’s low maintenance and easy to be around, whereas a high maintenance girl would expect the people around her to adjust to her. A guy would especially like when a girl is willing to go out of her way to meet and get to know his family and friends. Introducing her to them is one thing. But if she’s able to take the next step and go the extra mile by getting to know them better, she’s a winner in his book. If his friends are into football, she’d attend one of their football games and cheer her man and his friends on from the stands. If his little sister likes the Harry Potter movies, his girl would clear her schedule so she can drop by his house with her Harry Potter films boxed set and do a movie marathon with his little sis.
4. Stop talking about your ex.
As a relationship progresses, it’s inevitable that the couple would share stuff about their respective pasts, especially when it comes to past relationships. Knowing the other’s relationship history will help in understanding each other better and knowing how to progress with their current relationship. If her previous relationship ended in heartbreak because he cheated on her, her current beau should give her free reign to talk about her hurts and fears from the past. And it’s totally fine for her to pour her heart out. But any guy has his limits. If she talks her ear off about her ex day in and day out to the point that that’s the only thing she ever talks about, one will tend to wonder if she’s not over him yet. No guy wants to keep discussing his girl’s ex on a daily basis because it’s disrespectful to the guy and to the current relationship.
3. We need affirmation.
We all love a pat on the back, especially if we went to great lengths to get something done for someone, out of love for him or her. While it’s true that unconditional love means giving and giving without expecting anything in return, we’re only human and we can only give so much. We run on empty eventually. So what do we crave? Some gratitude and affirmation to refill us. While a man may not be as expressive or vocal about his wants or needs from his girl, he does crave some affirmation from her, especially when he does something incredibly sweet. The last thing he wants is for his girl to take his efforts for granted. A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate what you did there” can go a long, long way for a guy. It gives him the boost to continue going out of his way for his girl and making her feel special all the time.
2. No to TMI (too much information).
There are some things that are better left unsaid or better kept within one’s own circle of friends because there’s such a notion as TMI (too much information). When a guy is surrounded by a gaggle of women, tendency for the women is to forget that said man is around and they proceed to launch into girl talk mode. When we say girl talk, we don’t just mean stuff like shopping for shoes and the latest accessories. This also pertains to the more intimate stuff like menstrual cramps, ovarian cysts, IUDs, and sexual prowess and size of partners. And talking about these things can make any guy cringe because they don’t really need to hear all that stuff. So girls are better off just keeping that kind of talk when their guy is way out of earshot. That kind of information is something that guys don’t care to know about after all.
1. We love it when you buy us clothes.
Men who enjoy shopping are few and far between, although there’s a bunch of them that do exist. What a rare gem a guy who loves to shop is, especially for his girlfriend because imagine having a shopping buddy for a boyfriend? But a vast majority of dudes would rather leave the shopping duties to their girls. When the girl drags her man to the mall, he mostly just tags along and sits down in the boutique’s couch, tinkering on his cellphone while she tries on outfit after outfit in the dressing rooms. What he does vastly appreciate is when she offers to do the shopping for him, especially if he has neither the patience nor the tenacity for expanding his wardrobe. He trusts her taste and judgment in knowing to pick the right size, the best color, and the most ideal style of clothing that he would definitely and proudly wear on a daily basis.
Sources: thoughtcatalog.com, glamour.com, wewomen.ca