Ah men. Most like to act all big and bad but truth be told, they have egos more fragile than a baby humming bird’s bones. In this day and age, women are coming up stronger than ever and have become insanely brilliant role models for young women (hello there, Wonder Woman!) and taking a stand for themselves against a society of men who would rather see The Handmaid’s Tale become a reality rather than elect a woman president. Now, of course, this isn’t ALL men, but a lot more who think this way are emerging out of the woodwork. These are the type of men who claim to have bulletproof egos and feign confidence… but we know better. These men think that all women care about certain things regarding their physical appearance, education, or background (like, you know, the stuff MEN think matter when it comes to a woman). They think these 15 things matter to women because it matters to THEM, and sometimes them only.
15. His Taste In Music
This one was an odd selection and it came to my attention during one of my own relationships. One guy I was dating was so considered that I legitimately would break it off because I didn’t care for the music he preferred. Yep, that seriously happened. Like I would care if he didn’t listen to the new Jay Z album or if he had a James Taylor song next to a Taylor Swift single whenever he shuffled his playlist. I would often wonder that if he cared about it so much, was he judging me for my taste in music? And then suddenly I was paranoid. Bros, trust us: if you happen to be listening to the soundtrack for Annie while you’re working out at the gym, we could really care less. Just don’t shame us for listening to a little Tevin Campbell every now and then.
14. Those Extra Pounds
Okay, so you put on some extra weight this holiday season and you’re freaking out when it comes to being around us by the pool. We’ll let you in on a little secret, men – We. Don’t. Give. Two. Hoots. There always seem to be two types of men: the ones who are overly confident despite the fact that they are morbidly obese and have lost all their hair, and the ones who have no confidence and think we care when they gain a little extra weight. Have you ever heard the line “more cushin’ for the pushin’”? That holds water there. The added weight just makes you extra cuddly and warm on those cold nights. Trust us, we notice it more on ourselves than we do on you and don’t have time to freak out about your little weight gain. Plus, you’re dudes – you can work that crap off in no time by cutting out soda or whatever.
13. If He’s Social Media Savvy
For some reason, the millennial generation takes this very seriously since we can’t go anywhere without telling EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET exactly what we’re doing and why. Okay, Lucy – I could care less if you went to the corner store to buy a diet Pepsi and I’m sure your 986 Twitter followers don’t care either, but thanks for over sharing. I once dated a man who was around 10 years older than me and he attempted to figure out Twitter and Instagram just because he thought it would impress me. I had to assure him that unless he was a journalist like myself, that he shouldn’t really bother. Knowing how to use Facebook messenger will impress no one, dudes. Especially if you learn and then become obnoxious about it… like Lucy. Don’t be like Lucy.
12. If He’s Played A Sport
I can’t tell you HOW many men I’ve been on first dates with who say “well, I played soccer in high school” as if I am supposed to grovel at his feet because he used to be a high school jock for a short period of time. I get that something like this can be dropped casually in conversation while on a first date with a woman who dabbles in sports writing, but this used to be said BEFORE I got started into the business. Quite often enough, I would give the guy a quizzical expression and hop over the odd revealing. Perhaps this is done so the man doesn’t appear weak or such? Or that he feels it will make him seem more attractive to you if you heard that he once took Karate when he was eight-years old? Either way – unless you’re in the pros and have to go on the road for six months out of the year, we really don’t give a flying fig.
11. If He’s Brave Or Not
For so many years and generations before us, the “White Knight” figure was always glamorized in every single medium. From television, to movies, to real life – men always assumed that women prefer a big, strong guy who’s is able to thoroughly protect the love of his life with a swift, uppercut. Thanks a lot, stupid fairy tales – now dudes think they have to wrestle a bear or throw themselves in front of a speeding bullet in order to impress us on our dates. Welcome to the modern times, bruh – where women can take care of themselves and can probably save YOUR damsel in distress butt before we demand you save us. Again – thank you, Diana Prince. So feel free to coward behind the table if a robber attempts to rob the restaurant we’re having dinner in – it’s always better to walk away from the situation because we prefer to be with someone who is alive rather than a stone-cold dead wannabe Batman.
10. His Education Or Lack-there-of
Men, if you’re intelligent and are able to show it, we could care less about if you’re a college drop out. The most infuriating men I’ve ever met in my life had degrees from prestigious universities, while the most humble men I’ve ever encountered were hardworking gentlemen who decided not to go to college and jumped into work full time. I’m not saying that an education isn’t important, but the men I’ve dated in my life who decided to forgo college happen to be amazing, self-sufficient, and brilliant men who made something of themselves despite not having a degree. Plus, usually when I’m out with a guy who went to a snooty school, he likes to remind me every three seconds that he went to Harvard. Trust us, we just want a guy who is intelligent and doesn’t feel the need to remind us every three seconds – it’s obnoxious.
9. How Much Money He Makes
TLC made an entire song about this – I believe it was called “Scrubs” and it was about how a successful woman shouldn’t date a man who mooches off her at every single turn. But hey, guess what? It’s 2017 and not 1999 anymore. While I would never date the scrub described in that particular song, I don’t mind in the least if I make more than my fella does, and he shouldn’t either. But some men think that we give a damn if he makes close to (or over) six figures a year. Good for him! His mother must be proud! Now, there are women who have those gold digging qualities who care completely about that dollar sign next to your name, but the ones with any sort of value could really care less about what you make. A woman can support both her man and her family on this day and age, and you should be proud when she’s able to do so.
8. His Horrible Childhood
There are some men who attempt to keep their past hidden. I mean if they had a rocky childhood, not if they cheated on all of the girlfriends in the past (THAT we would like to know upfront please so we can slam on the brakes and toss you from the car). Some men I’ve dated have been hesitant to tell me that they grew up in a less than desirable household, or that they have been through some traumatic childhood event. Trust us, if we care about you, we want to be there for you and would never hold something like that against you. Whatever you went through made you into the man we’re attracted to, so it’s not essential for you to hide it. Believe me, it won’t scare us off.
7. His Taste In Movies
I joke and poke fun all the time at men I date who liked The Notebook, and they don’t seem to care one inch about if I’m making fun of them or not – they liked it and are not afraid to tell the world. Truth be told, we women could care less about your taste in movies. While it’s wonderful if you like the same cinematic masterpieces as your girlfriend, it doesn’t end all if you don’t want to watch Mean Girls or some old French film with us in the beginning of the relationship. Why would we want you to suffer through a movie you hate just to appease us? Especially if we find out later that you actually hated the movie, but put up with it for our sake – that’s some serious mocking ground right there. Be honest and we’ll care about you despite your crappy taste in movies.
6. If He Works Out Daily and/or Obsessively
Hey, we’ve already said that we could care less if you put on some weight and are more on the fluffy side, so this one is just an obnoxious reminder. Trust us, we don’t want to hear all about your intense daily training sessions with your personal trainer – we deal with that enough whenever our damn friends doing CrossFit post check-ins every single freaking day and even take pictures of their daily diet meal preparations. IT’S BLOODY ANNOYING AND WE REALLY COULDN’T CARE LESS. So no, we don’t want to hear about it from you during date night. Post it on Facebook like everyone else so we can simply scroll over it like all your friends do. We just don’t really care and it’s not a big deal to us if you’re a work-out nut. That’s not why we started dating you in the first place.
5. His Ex-Girlfriend
Okay, I’m talking about the non-crazy, non-obsessive women out there. If you’re of sound mind and confident in yourself and who you are, chances are you won’t give a tiny rat’s a** about your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. Those self confident women really don’t stress over who their boyfriend has dated in the past. Sure, Hollywood likes to zero in on this non-issue in order to appease to people who love Romantic Comedies, but in real life the ex doesn’t cross our mind. So you’re still friends with her? That’s great – that’s a damn good sign because if you had a healthy relationship that ended mutually, you SHOULD be friends. I’d be worried about the guy who keeps calling all his exes “crazy b*tches” because THAT dude is the common denominator in all his relationships. So… you know… run.
4. His Ability To Go “Hours” Before The Fun
WHO IS THE JACK A** WHO LIED ABOUT GOING “DOWN FOR HOURS” ON HIS GIRLFRIEND AND THAT SHE LOVED IT?? Dudes, that never has happened. Ever. So never believe your buddy who claims he once went down a on girl for 45 minutes – didn’t happen. That’s called overstaying your welcome and we have stuff to do, errands to run, lives to live. We women don’t care about the length of time you’re meddling around down there during foreplay, we only care if you’re doing it right or not. Anything over 10 minutes is too long and the right man will know how to utilize that 10 minutes perfectly, so if you’re searching around down there for any longer, it’s best to stop and ask for directions because, dude, you’re completely and utterly lost.
3. The Grey In His Hair
Why on earth are men self-conscious about this??? You know that salt and pepper in the hair is completely sexy and has an air of sophistication that young, inexperienced men don’t have? It’s dashing! It’s alluring! It’s just plain hot. I’ve known some men who tried to dye their hair, thinking that more women would be drawn to them if the grey was expunged – but nope, the exact opposite. So what if you have some specks of white in your hair – we don’t care and honestly don’t think it makes your attractiveness drop a notch. Trust us… it’s working in every single way for you and we are in love with it. I have yet to hear a woman in my generation complain about white/grey hair. You know that Anderson Cooper made it sexy, right? Right.
2. His Glasses
Whoever came up with the term “four-eyes” as a method of picking on people who wear glasses needs to be drop kicked in the chin a couple times over. Are you self-conscious about your glasses? Well, don’t be. Women don’t see them as a vice – they see them as a sexy virtue. Why the hell do you think Superman had glasses (pardon – CLARK KENT)? Yes, we find them extremely sexy these days, so there’s no reason to hide them or shove some contact lenses in your eyes for our sake – we want to see those babies on your face as you strut your stuff. They’re doing no good hidden away in your nightstand! And, oddly enough thanks to Tina Fey, they’re sexy as hell on women too. So if someone has the gall to call you “four eyes,” simply say “thank you,” wink and walk away.
1. Size… For The Most Part
This is a rather big illusion that most men have when it comes to women: that we care about the size they are packing. This has become such a fragile part of their ego, that they’re now extremely paranoid when it comes to the size of the tool instead of focusing on learning how to use the tool itself. Women cannot stress this enough – we seriously don’t like them HUGE. I mean, seriously – what 1970’s homemade videos are you watching? That crap HURTS LIKE AN S.O.B, especially if we’re not prepared. Trust us, we don’t give two figs if you’re average. And, again trust us, we already know you’re pretty average in that area despite your excessive bragging – we’ve seen that monster truck you drive in your driveway. And ladies, if a man constantly brags about packing some serious heat… well, you don’t have to worry about being physically hurt when taking him to bed. We don’t care about size, dudes – but we do care how you utilize it.
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