Men and women are as different as night and day in almost all aspects. They’re wired differently, in terms of the way they see the world, in the way they think, feel, act, and talk. Women are generally more in touch with their feelings, more open and honest about them, and wouldn’t hesitate to tell you when something is bothering them. Men, on the other hand, keep it all inside for fear of being vulnerable and getting hurt. They don’t want to show weakness because getting mocked is akin to being bullied. Again, these are general behavioral patterns, but they don’t apply to all members of the species, mainly because of the rise and rampancy of feminism and the clamors for men to be a little more demonstrative of what’s going on in their heads and their hearts.
But despite many instances of gender role changes, such as who’s wearing the pants in the relationship and the rise in the number of stay-at-home dads, there are some things that remain the same: there are some things that most men will never tell the fairer sex.
15. That you’ve gained some weight.
There are two things you should never ask a woman: her age and her weight. After all, in this superficial world we live in, heaven forbid if a woman started developing wrinkles, white hair, and putting on a few pounds. Weight is a much more pressing concern for women because obviously, aging is inevitable. But poundage? It’s controllable by eating healthy and exercising regularly. A lot of women struggle with weight as they grow older and sometimes, no matter how much they work to lose it or keep it off, they’re unable to see the results. So when they ask their man if they look fat, men should know to always automatically reply with an emphatic, “No.” Whatever his opinion, he should say she looks beautiful and skirt away from the weight issue—unless of course, she’s put on 40 pounds and needs to see a doctor for health concerns.
14. How many people he’s slept with and who they are.
One of the toughest things about getting into a relationship is having to deal with the fact that there may have been many, many other sexual partners that your man has had before you, especially if he was a notorious ladies’ man before he got together with you. Of course, past is past and there’s nothing you can really do about it. What matters is his behavior from the present onwards and that the past should stay where it is. And that’s why as much as possible, he’d never tell you how many people in the past he’s slept with, unless you outright ask because, you know, you’re morbidly curious. He won’t voluntarily tell you his number, nor would he tell you outright who he’s slept with. If you were friends before you became a couple, then you might know some of those girls he bedded, but it would be far better not to bother to try and find out to avoid any awkward situations in case you happen to meet one of them.
13. His faults in his past relationships.
Rarely do you find a man who owns up to his mistakes, especially those he committed in past relationships. Yes, they do exist, but they’re few and far between. It’s normal to open up to each other about the other’s past because it will certainly help you in building a better relationship. But more often than not, you’ll find him saying that what went wrong in the past was due to the other party, maybe because his ex cheated on him or was too demanding or had daddy issues. He’s trying to put his best foot forward and he would never readily admit that he, too, played a part in the breakdown of his previous relationships. But we all know it takes two to tango, so even if his ex was the one who was allegedly at fault, he surely had something to do with it, too. Remember, you’re only hearing one side of the story.
12. Who or what he fantasizes about when doing the deed.
Is it cheating when you think of someone else to get you off while you’re doing the deed? That question is subject to debate. But whether it is or not, it happens, for both men and women. Fantasizing about Chris Evans or Ryan Reynolds or that dude with the amazing privates in the porn video is entirely plausible to get you in the mood. So what’s to say you can stop him from thinking about Angelina Jolie or Scarlett Johansson or whoever other celebrity he has a crush on? But it’s a different matter entirely when he starts thinking about “real life” people during sex, especially people you happen to know. Imagine if you found out that he thinks of your sister or your best friend while he’s with you? That’s such a huge slap in the face. So rather than raise your ire, he’ll keep mum on the subject and take it to his grave.
11. He doesn’t always enjoy boys’ night out.
It’s been ingrained in our heads by the media and by so-called self-help experts: we all need some time away from the grind of everyday life and have fun with our best friends. That’s why there’s such a thing as boys’ night out and girls’ night out. It’s the time for you to just meet up for dinner or drinks (or in the case of guys, poker or beer) with your friends and unwind. Because you need a break from your partner every once in a while too. There are some guys who set a mandatory boys’ night out once a week and everyone has to be there by hook or by crook. But believe it or not, guys don’t necessarily look forward to seeing the guys every time there’s an opportunity to get together. Sometimes, he really would rather stay on his couch and watch Netflix with his girl. But no, he wouldn’t admit it, lest he sounded too mushy or clingy!
10. He’s afraid of being lonely.
When a marriage or a relationship crumbles, it’s one of the toughest things to do to pick up the pieces and move on. Sometimes it’s better to just be alone and try to heal on your own rather than jump into another relationship. There’s no general behavior that’s limited to either gender. There are times it’s the girl who can’t stand being single and jumps right into another relationship in a very rebound type of way, while her ex relishes his newly single status and takes the time to recoup with his friends, family, or plain spending time on his own. But in the long run, no one wants to be alone for long periods of time. But many men would never admit that to a woman. His tough persona and ego would protest against admitting to loneliness because it renders him too weak and vulnerable in the eyes of a woman.
9. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.
The term Mr. Fix-It was used for males for a reason. Men in general love being able to roll up their sleeves and attempt to fix anything that’s broken. Call it a superhero complex, if you will. From big stuff like trying to “save” a girl from a toxic relationship to little things, like repairing a leaking pipe under the kitchen sink, guys just love showing their brawn and proving that they can save the day. Unfortunately, they don’t always know what they’re doing. But they’ll never, ever admit to it. They’ll continue to keep trying to fix that faulty toilet flush even if they don’t know the first thing about plumbing. The problem will get worse and worse until bam, you’re stuck with a bathroom flooded with toilet water. Then when you try to suggest he call a plumber, he’ll feel as if you’re calling him a failure.
8. He’s jealous of your male friends and your exes.
Back in the day, it was considered scandalous for an attached woman to have male friends, although the same thing couldn’t be said for men when it came to female friends. Thankfully, that double standard is not too prevalent anymore (though it’s still lurking in the corners) and it’s now quite acceptable for girls to have male friends. But just because society accepts it doesn’t mean those girls’ significant others have to like it. There are some guys who aren’t comfortable with their girlfriends or wives having males in their close circle of friends, even though these male friends were in her life way before he came into hers. It’s natural to feel threatened. After all, what’s to stop her for developing feelings for a person who starts off as her friend? That’s how the best friendships develop, after all. But he will never admit outright to being jealous. Of course, his actions may speak otherwise.
7. His worries about his career and finances.
Men are wired to achieve success when they reach a certain age. They’re expected to get a job straight out of college so they can start building their finances and establish themselves, presumably before they think of settling down and starting a family. Since he is under such immense pressure to reach a certain financial status, he can get bereft with worries and fears that he’s not hitting his goals. He sometimes fails to realize that we all progress at different rates. Some men just happen to be late bloomers, though this can sometimes feel unacceptable. When he’s with a woman, he wants to prove to her that he has it made, even though he’s still struggling. It’s difficult to find a man who is open and honest enough to admit such struggles and fears, especially to the woman he’s striving so hard to prove himself to.
6. How he feels about your family.
One thing that can make or break a relationship is how well the couple gets along with the other’s loved ones. In a partnership, a lot of problems can arise if a girl butts heads with her mother-in-law or the guy doesn’t see eye to eye with his brother-in-law. It can get even more complicated when your partner starts taking sides. Will he start defending his mother against your complaints about her? Or will he side with you and tell his mother to back off? Sometimes it’s better to just keep quiet and not give your opinion about his family. Most men would much rather keep mum about whatever misgivings he may have about your family, lest he start a huge fight. Better to just keep quiet and keep the peace than turn his feelings into an issue in your relationship. Otherwise, it’ll mean constant and never-ending arguments and debates that may do more harm than good.
5. “Check out that hot girl.”
No matter how committed a man is to his significant other, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have eyes. Whether it’s considered being unfaithful or not, men are naturally visual beings and seeing a beautiful woman on the street can certainly make them stop short and stare. Looking is one thing, but if he acts on that passing physical attraction, then that’s another matter all together. But one thing’s for sure, you won’t see him nudging his girlfriend beside him while a hot girl walks past, point out said hot chick, and say to his girl, “Check out the legs on that hottie,” or something equally lascivious. True, women have eyes too and for all he knows, his girlfriend is checking out the hottie too. And if she notices his wandering eye, she can look past it. But if he’s vocal about what he’s seeing? His girlfriend would not be happy about that.
4. When he sings praises about you to others.
There are different varieties of men in the world. Some are men of action, showing their love for their girl by hugs, kisses, cooking her dinner, taking her out on dates, and showering her with gifts. Then there are men of words, men who love to wax poetic and tell their girl how precious she is to them. But whether he’s a man of actions or words, one thing that might surprise girls about men in general is that they love talking about their significant others to other people and not in the backbiting sense. He may never tell her to her face, but he actually thinks very highly of her and is very proud of her. He tells his friends and family that she’s beautiful, tells them of her talents and accomplishments, and gushes about what a good heart she has. She may never know that he says these things, but yes, he does all that.
3. He yearns for affirmation.
There’s a reason why in comic books and movies, most superheroes (or the original ones that were conceptualized by comic book creators) were males. It’s because men have ingrained in them that messianic complex: it’s in their DNA to save the day, not necessarily for random strangers, the way Superman or Spiderman would, but for the people they care about. In the modern, everyday setting, this superhero trait of men is the reason why he’s usually the one who does the courting. He loves showering his girl with affection and attention and he even relishes in doing little things for her, like opening her door or carrying her heavy bag. Like anyone who gives of themselves completely, he loves getting that acknowledgment for his heroic deeds. Yearns for it, in fact. A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” will go a long, long way for him, though of course, he’ll never tell her he loves hearing that kind of stuff.
2. That he cries sometimes.
It’s only recently that men have been given license by society to cry in front of other people. But men of the older generation were taught to bottle it up, to be emotional robots. Because men couldn’t show any signs of weakness and crying was considered a flaw. Misogynistic, yes, but that was fact back in the day. Fortunately, men in this day and age are considered still strong, if not stronger, if they show some emotions. The reason is because they have had to suppress feelings for so long, that any display of it, especially sadness and grief, is not necessarily second nature to them. But brave is the man who is able to break down and cry every so often, when the need arises. Men are finally learning that crying can be cathartic. But they don’t necessarily confess it to their girl because their pride may get in the way of making such admissions.
1. The weird stuff he did as a kid.
In a lot of TV shows or movies, especially those of the romantic comedy variety, you see scenes where the guy brings home his girlfriend to his hometown to meet his family for Christmas or Thanksgiving or some such special occasion. And during the dinner, when everyone’s gathered around the table, his siblings or parents make it a point to embarrass the heck out of him by regaling his girl with mortifying stories of the stuff he did as a child, complete with photos. This does happen in real life and most guys would react the same way his counterpart would in the show or movie: he’d want to drop through the floor in embarrassment. While he may share bits and pieces of the weird antics he got up to as a kid, there are many he’d rather not tell you. If you hear about it, guaranteed it wouldn’t be from his mouth. It’ll most likely be from the stories of his pesky younger sister.