Sometimes you wish that you could just snap your fingers and be in a relationship already. Dating is definitely not tons of fun and it doesn’t seem like that’s ever going to change. How do you know if someone is worth dating or if you should say goodbye before you really get hurt? Do guys ever break your heart out of absolutely nowhere or is it up to you to see the signs and symptoms? It’s a lot to deal with, that’s for sure, and that’s why when you first start dating someone new, sometimes you don’t enjoy the experience. You’re always overthinking things and wondering if you’re doing something wrong or if you just suck at picking the right boyfriends. Your thoughts are definitely pretty messy. But what if you’re honestly in the right frame of mind and the right place in your life to finally start a real relationship… but the guy that you’re into seems to be super sketchy?
Here are 15 signs that he’s not what he seems.
15. You Don’t Recognize His Cell Number
Specifically, you don’t recognize his area code. You want to believe that he’s a good guy and you want to hope for the best, but you know that there are two (or maybe three at most) area codes that make sense for where you live. Anything beyond that and this guy clearly doesn’t live anywhere even remotely close to you. You may not want to take this a step further and Google his area code, but that’s honestly the smartest thing that you could do right now. It’s honestly the only way to find out the truth about his address because chances are, if you ask him if he lives in your city or town, he’s going to lie and say that of course he does. He might even give you some truly b.s. reasons (i.e. excuses) for why his area code is so different. If you Google it, you will most likely find out that he doesn’t live where you do.
14. You Wonder If He’s Catfishing You
If you even think that you’re getting Catfished, then you probably are. It’s really as simple as that. You would honestly never think this way if it wasn’t true because it’s not like you think that every guy that you come into contact with is Catfishing you. Or at least you shouldn’t because if you do, then you’re super paranoid and you need to work on your trust issues. Just being honest here. If you think that he’s lying about who he is, whether he’s giving you a name that you suspect isn’t his real one or he’s lying about his address as mentioned above, it’s time for you to realize that he’s not what he seems. You have to let him go before you get the chance to get hurt because things aren’t going to work out the way that you want them to. You can’t be innocent and naive and believe him. You just can’t.
13. You’ve Never Been To His Apartment
It’s possible that he’s not living in your city or town if he has never, ever invited you over to his place. It’s also possible that he lives at home and doesn’t want to tell you. Or that he has an even sketchier and weirder living situation that you don’t even want to know about. It’s honestly a normal rite of passage to go to your new guy’s apartment. He’s going to come over to yours, too, since you’re getting to know each other and that means hanging out in a more intimate, private setting. If those things aren’t happening, then that’s a real problem and you’re not going to end up as happily ever after as you hope. He’s definitely not what he seems if things are super one-sided and he only comes over to hang out at your apartment but you have never seen his. Maybe he has never asked you over or he makes excuses when you bring it up. Either way, it’s creepy.
12. You Have A Weird Feeling
You already know that it’s best to listen to your gut. It helps you realize when a situation is bad and when things are going to get even worse. This can help you isolate toxic friends that you need to stay away from and can even help you quit a job that is super horrible. You sometimes just have a weird feeling about the person that you just started seeing. It’s really awkward since you don’t want to feel like that. You want to be super psyched about this new guy. You want to be all rainbow and butterflies and love and light. Feeling creepy is just not what you wanted. But here you are, and you have to recognize your feelings and deal with them before you get in even deeper. If you feel weird about the guy in your life, you absolutely need to walk away. Because no matter how much you want it to get better, it’s not going to.
11. There’s No Sense Of Moving Forward
When you start dating someone new, you have to eventually take the plunge and move forward. You have to make things official and have that all important talk. You have to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend so you at least know what to call him when talking about him. And you definitely want to avoid any awkward moments when you’re introducing him at parties and events. But when this guy is not what he seems, there’s really no sense that you are both moving forward in a positive direction. You will feel like you are totally stuck in place and like you have no idea what you are to each other or what is going on. You have probably been in this weird place before and so you can probably recognize it… and you probably know how much pain you’re going to be in the longer than you stay with this guy. It’s just not a good scene.
10. You Don’t Really Know Him
Do you know his background? His family stories? His favorite TV show, his favorite book, even something kind of lame like his favorite color? If you really don’t know much about this new guy in your life and you’ve been dating for a while now, as in more than a few weeks, then that’s not good. It’s actually pretty bad. He is definitely hiding something from you because he doesn’t want you to get to know him. This is especially bad if you share a lot about your daily life and you talk a lot about your past experiences. Then it will become really obvious that he doesn’t return the favor and that he doesn’t ever talk about himself. Sure, you could ask him why this is the case, but chances are he’s not going to be super nice about it. The thing is that you can’t change someone so if he wanted to let you in, he would.
9. It’s Only Physical
Of course it’s great when you start dating a cute guy that you’re really, really attracted to. That’s the dream, right? You’ve definitely had enough awkward situations where you really like someone because they’re a good person but you’re just not into the idea of making out with them. That really sucks since you always wish that this wasn’t the case, but hey, this is just something that you can’t control. When you’re dating someone new and it’s only physical — which will become pretty obvious to you pretty quickly — then it’s possible that this guy is not what he seems. He could be lying to you about a whole lot of things and he could be trying to distract you with how good he is at kissing and all that jazz because he doesn’t want you to ask any personal questions. He probably doesn’t want a girlfriend and he doesn’t want to let you into his world.
8. Nothing Ever Changes
You may not want to follow traditional relationship timelines and you may hate the idea of so-called milestones. Sure, ideas like sleeping with someone on the first date are definitely super old-school and should never see the light of day again. So you’re definitely pretty cool and on the right track when you don’t agree with those rules. But if nothing ever changes in your new relationship and things are always basically status quo, then that’s a problem. He is definitely not what he seems when he won’t really commit to you, makes plans for your future, or make any changes at all. The truth is that a relationship is never simple and it involves a lot of ups and downs, good and bad, and problems and solutions. It doesn’t mean that you’re a loser or that your boyfriend is a bad person if you run into some issues. It just means that you’re normal. If you don’t even have problems with your new guy because things never seem to be any different, that’s a bad sign.
7. He Doesn’t Keep You In The Loop
You can relate to this if you ever feel like your boyfriend (or the guy who will someday maybe be your boyfriend) is hiding things from you. Maybe he never tells you if he is hanging out with his friends until you text him wondering why he did not come over when he said he would and he realizes that he never told you about his social plans. Or maybe he doesn’t let you know when he has vacation plans or something equally important. It is definitely super weird when the person that you’re supposedly dating doesn’t keep you in the loop. You will feel embarrassed and horrible about this, that’s for sure, and that’s not how you should ever feel. It’s really unfair if someone puts you in this terrible and unfortunate position. A relationship is a two-way deal and it means sharing with each other, not withholding information.
6. Your Friends Are Worried
Your best friends are, well, the best. They can chat The Bachelor with you and they understand everything that happens to you… and they are a wealth of information when you are going through a weird dating situation. When your friends are worried about you because they think that you’re dating the wrong guy, you need to listen to them. You might not want to but you should realize that they’re not saying this stuff to be mean or to hurt you. They have your best interests at heart and they only want the best for you. You would do the same for them, right? The thing is that your BFFs know you and they know who you want to be with. You’ve talked to them enough times about who you’re looking for, so they get it. You need to listen if they’re worried because it proves that this guy is not what he seems.
5. You Want Something More
If you feel like something isn’t right in your new relationship because you’re not getting something that you need, whether that’s an actual commitment or something more related to how much time you spend with this person, then that’s a sign that this isn’t the situation that you should be in. It can also be a sign that this guy is lying to you or that he’s pretending to be someone that he’s not. That’s because if things were normal and he was who he seemed to be, then things between you would be developing naturally. You wouldn’t have any problems with that because you would be super psyched about it and happy to finally be experiencing the beginning of a new love story. If you ever want something more, then consider that he’s a big faker. It sucks to realize this but it’s netter to learn it sooner rather than later.
4. You’re Always Wondering About Him
If you wonder where he is, who he’s with, and how he’s spending his time, then that’s a sign that things aren’t as perfect or even as great as they might seem. It’s never a good thing when you have to overthink anything, whether that’s related to your work life or your love life. Do you really want to worry all the time? Do you want to always have this feeling that something is wrong or that something bad is about to happen? Probably not because that definitely doesn’t sound like any fun. You have to admit that if you’re feeling like this on a regular basis about your new guy, he’s really not the right one for you. If you’re always thinking and wondering about him, then your brain is already telling you that you don’t think he’s for real. It’s like your subconscious knows what’s truly going on and you should be thankful for that.
3. You’re Jealous Of Other Couples
You can definitely tell a lot about how your own relationship (or kind of relationship) is going when you look at the couples around you. If you ever feel jealous of other couples when you’re single, then of course that’s totally normal. They have something that you want, of course, so you would be super weird if you weren’t a bit of a green-eyed monster about the whole deal. But if you have someone special in your life and yet you still feel jealous, then that’s a sign that something is not going as planned. It also means that this guy is probably not the person that you want to be with and that he’s not the guy that you thought that he was. You should never ignore your instincts about this thing, even if you tell yourself that you shouldn’t expect things to be perfect. You don’t have to expect perfection to realize that something is not right.
2. You Don’t Trust Him
Communication is the foundation of any good relationship, as people always say, and trust is super high up there too. If you can’t trust someone, you should never keep them in your life. That goes for family members and friends but it especially goes for boyfriends. Do you really want to keep dating someone that you do not trust? If you think that he is eventually going to cheat on you or hurt you in some way, then why would you keep him around? That is kind of ridiculous. Actually, it is totally ridiculous. You need to be your own advocate and protect yourself. You are really the only person that can do that, even if you do not think that is the case. Just think about how much it is going to suck to keep dating an untrustworthy person. Things will get worse, not better, especially if you end up getting serious.
1. You’re Not Proud Of Your Relationship
People often say that the company you keep is a really big deal. After all, if your friends are jerks or toxic people who make you feel bad, that’s not a good thing at all. Who you date is also really important… and maybe even more important than you think. Would you introduce your current guy to your mom? Grandma? BFF? If the answer is no (and it probably is if you can relate to the other things on this list), then you’re not proud of your relationship. That means that he’s not what he seems… and that he’s definitely the kind of guy that you want to associate yourself with. Do you really want the people in your life, from your friends to family to coworkers, to think that you’re dating a loser? Do you want them to judge you that much? Definitely not, right? No matter how much it sucks, get away from this guy and hold out hope. You will for sure find someone else who will be exactly who he seems to be… and it’s going to be awesome.