There are so many thoughts he will have after he holds out that expensive ring to you and you cry out the words, “YES!”
If it’s an unhealthy relationship under the candy coated surface you might encounter times where your spouse might be thinking some of the things on this list. If your partner is actually thinking some of these awful things and refuses to talk to you about the issues he’s experiencing, it might be time to move forward. What better time to move forward for yourself then the start of the new year! Everything from regret to fighting just to spice up the relationship is just plain ridiculous, there should be no reason that a loving husband should feel these signs of regret because of a proposal. Often times it’s because they’re dealing with their own insecurity and selfishness which are actually quite connected on many levels. No one should have to put up with his behavior!
To move forward, it’s easier if you simply discuss and make a decision based on that interaction, if you can’t reassure them that it’ll be okay, maybe it’s just a simple fact that you can’t co-exist. There’s no shame in that and hopefully, this list will help you discover some of the signs your spouse might be experiencing so you’ll know what to do from here on out! Communication and a real connection are all you need to be able to work towards a better future together, most times reassurance works so don’t give up yet!
Regret is almost always the first feeling a man feels when he proposes while also being insecure. Whether it’s because he feels insecure due to where he is in his life or he just feels like he’s not ready for this huge life step. He should’ve really thought about it a bit more if he honestly feels like this, but it does happen. It’s normal for both individuals that are getting married to feel scared and unsure as to what the future holds, but usually, most people get through the fear and move forward, even more, stronger than before. If you find that your soon to be husband feels so much regret about proposing then it probably isn’t a good match. Sadly in some cases, I’ve seen couples who separate right after a proposal because, in reality, it was just too much to handle in that specific time of their lives.
A man might quickly realize how important equality is in a serious relationship. If a couple finds themselves moving way too fast this might be something that’s unfortunately overlooked until the last moment, even though it’s one of the most important things to take into account when being with someone. Many men that are of the average age when it comes to getting married still have issues with many societal changes we’re dealing with today, many don’t realize how important it is for a modern couple to have equal respect for each other and thrive in equality. Being equal to your partner is what many women have fought for for decades, it’s only right that that continues on through a strong relationship as well. The thought of this scares many individuals into thinking they’ll have to do more work. But honestly a good relationship is a lot of hard work from everyone, there is no easy way about it.
13. Less Intimacy
A huge fear is the idea that once you are married the time you to spend in the bedroom seems to bottom out. Not true! Something as intimate and personal as bedroom fun is different for everyone, there are so many countless things out there that show just how unique everyone is in this area of life There’s no reason there should be less of it than the month before when you were technically just dating! Just keep an open mind and realize that there are things in life that do actually lower the intimacy in a relationship because of health reasons such as having children! If your man is seriously worried about the possibility of less intimacy in the relationship, maybe he should have thought about what he really loves about you and if he would do anything for you even when it’s as serious as cutting back on it because of a baby!
12. Losing Friends
Many men fear that once they tie the knot they will also be waving goodbye to their friends! False! If you are in a healthy relationship it should be no problem for both individuals to have time alone and time with their friends. You do not have to sacrifice time with friends on a Saturday night just because you are married and that goes for him and his friends as well! Many individuals as they get closer to the age of getting married, it is very common for a group of friends to head in their own unique directions simply because everyone has so much going on in their life, it has nothing to do with wanting to spend less time together, and mostly has to do with building their own lives with their own small families! Just reassure him that getting married does not mean there can’t be any more boy’s night!
11. No More dating
If a couple finds themselves in a very quickly moving relationship, that’s usually lasted about a year or less before a serious proposal, then you might find out that your man might be dealing with withdrawals from the dating scene. The dating scene can be fun, not because of the booty calls, but meeting new people is always fun even if it doesn’t turn into something more serious. He might miss that socialization he was getting so used to. This is generally handled in a few different ways, either he shuts down and doesn’t want to be social at all, or he blames you. If he ends up with the latter option and there’s no way you can get through to him, it might just be time to move forward without him. It’s not fair to propose then regret it simply because of very selfish reasons. It should be fine if he wants to go out and make friends, but if he misses dating and the attention that he gets from other women, that’s it, I’d move on.
10. Nights Out
If the man that proposed to you is constantly complaining about how much he misses going out, there’s a problem. Not only should a couple love spending time together, but he should be able to go out if he wants. It’s usually deeper issues, such as regretting the proposal all together. When something like this happens, it’s extremely hard to try to converse with them about how they feel. You might get through to them through conversation if you’re open and honest when it comes to how you feel but in many circumstances, nights out with the boys are usually checking out women or sharing rumors about girls they’ve been with. Of course, it’s not always like this, but this generally is a thought that pops into his mind some time after he proposes. It’s normal to feel like your old life is gone when you get married but that feeling should be quickly replaced by the joy and happiness of the future.
9. Her Friends
It might be an immediate thought or even something that comes up a while after the initial proposal. Dealing with your friends might actually strike some kind of fear into the man that proposed to you. He might feel extremely intimidated and even want to find a way out if you have a very tight-knit friend group. Having a support system like that can sometimes make a man feel as though there’s no use for him, that you don’t need him, even though that’s completely not fair to assume that when being with a partner. Being together and taking it to the next step with each other shows that you want to both need each other. His own insecurities need to be put to the side or dealt with finally. Whichever way you choose to go about this if you honestly feel he’s too insecure to be with you simply because of your friends, just take it slow and try to spend more time with him so time is balanced!
This one’s a biggy! One of the biggest thoughts that come hand in hand with proposals and marriage is the idea of having children. This is probably one of the most frightening aspects of marriage for anyone. Especially for males for some reason! Once you start talking about wanting to have kids and growing a family, it’s usually soon after that a man starts to feel a bit of panic because of the oncoming responsibility he will have. Having children shouldn’t be so scary, while yes it’s a major step in the direction of life, but it’s something that’s equally part of the mother and father, the responsibility is both there equally and should be seen as such. If you feel your man is having some regrets or just plain scared because of the mention of children, take your time to really hear out his opinion. Be there for him so he can express what he’s scared of and try to ask him what he’s excited for as well. Hopefully, that will broaden his outlook!
If you find yourself constantly fighting it’s generally seen as a bad sign or omen for the future. No couple should fight non-stop, but keep in mind that a difference of opinion is completely normal! An immediate thought right after the proposal is the idea that a relationship will get boring or stale once married. Once again it’s another lie that somehow stuck with the stigma of marriage for many years. If he starts to bicker and fight because it adds something new to a relationship it’s a bad sign and also shows there’s something missing, generally from his end of the ‘bargain’. Many relationships have had to deal with a person in the partnership that thinks fighting will add something exciting to the relationship when in reality all it shows is the fact someone is seriously dealing with insecurities. Just keep in mind that fighting should never be normalized in a relationship because it’s very hard to come back from that.
6. Clinging To His Opinions
When you move fast in a relationship, before you know it you’re engaged, it’s quite common to have a man that’s clinging to his own opinion. When you’re dealing with someone that’s highly opinionated it’s very hard to get a word in or even more importantly, your own thoughts on a specific matter. While it might not be a simple path forward if they’ve already stood their ground on a number of things that they believe in and you differ on, just take it slow and try to work out one issue at a time. Present your opinion on it and work on it together. Show them what you mean rather than talking down to them so they can experience what you are feeling. Many men seem to cling to their opinion as a sign of their manhood when they propose and are getting married, it can be a very frustrating situation but it is possible to work through.
5. What Wives Should Do
If you find out too late that the man you’re engaged to has these preconceived notions on how a wife should act, going about it in a very old school and sexist way, this might be even more amplified when actually engaged. In some cases, most women don’t even know this is how their future spouse feels until they actually are married are engaged. The thought of a man having to listen to his wife tell him what to do even if it’s not in an aggressive manner can sometimes be way too much for him to handle. It’s a ridiculous circumstance that shouldn’t even be an issue but unfortunately, it can be. When this issue arises at any time in a relationship or is amplified during the engagement, try to have a conversation to voice your opinion. If he continues to shut you down it might just be best to move forward without him holding your hand because you don’t deserve that inequality.
4. Trying To Tell The Future
When you are engaged to someone that constantly plans ahead it can be a bit more overwhelming than someone who seems to let you take care of the road ahead. When you are with someone that is constantly trying to tell the future for both of you it can be extremely frustrating and hard to deal with. A thought some men deal with when in the early stages of a serious relationship or after a proposal is the constant thought of the future. While planning ahead is a wonderful thing to do with your partner, when it is so one-sided it turns from a positive into a negative rather quickly. It is so important to be in the moment and take a moment to breathe before diving in all the way to the point you both can’t even enjoy something as simple as each other’s company anymore. What is the rush anyway?!
3. Wedding Costs
A major issue that can become very apparent after he proposes is the serious fear of dealing with the wedding. While generally most of this struggle falls on the wife since it’s supposed to be her day, it’s very common that the stress seeps into other areas of life between the couple. Causing massive stress for both people in the relationship. Sometimes this fear can really intimidate and scare the man in your life, even if he’s just watching you deal with the majority of the stress. Sometimes when a guy sees how stressful we get when dealing with a wedding even that can be something that’s intimidating. My only advice would be to let him in on the wedding plans, while it’s the wife’s day it should be more about equality, for the couple is getting married not just the wife! Take it one day at a time and sure enough, you’ll cross that finish line soon enough!
2. Less Attention
When a proposal happens, it’s very common for things to snowball in very quick procession after that moment on both your lives. From dealing with the wedding, children, getting a house, careers, raising the children, school, and more, it’s tough finding balance let alone time to spend together. It’s only natural that you’ll be spending less time together and more time getting stuff done for the future. Sometimes this reality is just too much for the man in your life, the less attention can be a direct hit to his ego. Although it isn’t fair to you that he’s putting this extra stress on you! You shouldn’t have to sacrifice time that was spent working on building your lives up together just because of some of his insecurities. If he makes it clear he has regrets when it comes to the proposal because you aren’t giving more time to him, something different needs to happen. Either move on or work together to create a change that benefits everyone involved with the least sacrifice.
This one is a big one and the worst on this list. Divorce is never fun and it’s never fun to talk about or even bring up in the same sentence of proposals. But the fact of the matter is that some men out there automatically think of divorce as soon as they propose, not because they want to but because it’s become so popular in our society. With bombardments of celebrity culture and the profit of divorce in our culture, it’s become a new norm. Divorce has become normalized and it’s plaguing our thoughts whenever we think of marriage. It’s like a package deal even though it should never be like that even for a second! If this is a thought he faces after proposing it most likely isn’t even because he wants a divorce or something crazy like that, it’s just something that’s feared! No matter what he thinks after he proposes to you it can usually be worked out by building trust and understanding, focusing on communication and love!