Let’s talk about sex! Let’s talk about you having a sexual experience that’s different to any kind of experience you’ve had previously. This might make you very excited indeed. But this also might make you a little bit scared. And that’s OK. Fear of the unknown grips us in all walks of life.
That’s why we’ve put together a little guide that will help you deal with some of your reservations and insecurities. Even if you don’t think you have any reservations it’s still worth a read. There are lots of things to think about before exploring your bi-curiosity such as how to avoid hurting somebody’s feelings and being safe.
All in all it should be a really fun experience and not a huge deal. So here’s what you need to know and how to do it right:
15. Anyone can do it
Many people think exploring bi-curiosity means a straight woman having a same-sex sex experience. Maybe that’s because it sounds hot to people or it’s seen as the most acceptable form of exploration in our society, the former reason probably governing the latter. In reality it’s possible for any person of any gender or sexual identity to have bi-curious fantasies and urges. You’ve probably heard of the Kinsey scale which measures human sexuality. Dr Kinsey found in his research that most people aren’t entirely gay or straight but fall somewhere in the middle. So whether you’re a straight man or a gay girl or anything else you might have sexual desires that aren’t entirely in line with your sexual identity.
14. There’s nothing wrong with exploring your bi-curiosity
You might have reservations about exploring your sexuality. Although it wouldn’t necessarily mean you’re bisexual if you do go through with it, bisexuality is something that unfortunately has a bad rep. We live in the 21st Century, get over it people! Anyway, you might be afraid of judgement because bisexuality or sexual fluidity is often associated with sexual promiscuity. This is far from the truth however. And even if somebody is sexually promiscuous who has the right to go around shaming them? As Kinsey’s research showed, sexual fluidity is a normal human trait that occurs often. So, if anybody hates really you should just feel sorry for them because they’re having a lot less fun than you.
13. It’s not something you should just do for the sake of it
If you’re contemplating having sex with someone of the same gender or of the opposite gender if you identify as gay you should probably spend some time thinking about whether you’re actually bi-curious or not. Because in the same way you probably wouldn’t have sex with any old random for the sake of it, you shouldn’t pursue this experience for the sake of it. What I mean is that you shouldn’t do it just to say you’ve had the experience or because other people around you have done it or because you don’t know until you’ve tried it or some other equally stupid reason. I realise we’re not in high school anymore but some people do act this way. You should only explore your bi-curiosity if you feel curious, if you feel that urge or attraction.
12. Have an open mind
You probably already have an open mind if you’re bi-curious. But you still need to go into the experience with an open mind in the sense that you shouldn’t have any particular expectations. Most people that explore bi-curiosity will not have some sort of revelation about themselves during or after the act. You shouldn’t have any expectations about how it will be either. The reason is that you’ll probably be wrong because sex is different with every different person you sleep with. Expectations and pressure do not mix well with any kind of sex.
11. You will probably find somebody to explore with quite easily
Because who wouldn’t want to sleep with you? Let’s be real though if you’re a straight guy or girl looking to have a same-sex experience then you’ll find somebody because lots of gays like the idea of fooling around with a straight person. If you’re a lesbian you’ll find a guy to sleep with because it means major bro points for them. And if you’re a gay guy wanting to experiment with a girl, I reckon lots of straight women would be open-minded and understanding of the fact. I know this sounds a little controversial but it’s true for the large majority of people.
10. There will be pros and cons surrounding who you choose to explore with
If it just happens, it happens and that’s great. But if you’re making a concerted effort to find somebody to explore with then you’re probably wondering about who you’re going to do it with or who you should do it with. Let’s say you’re a straight girl. If you hook up with a bona fide lesbian then you’ll more than likely have a satisfying experience. On the other hand, if you hook up with another bi-curious girl then you can hold each others’ hand through the experience and feel less insecure about your inexperience. To be honest though I think you should really just go for it with whoever you find sexy!
9. The best place to meet somebody is online
Let’s face it you’re not likely to start going around cruising people at bars because that’s just terrifying if you’re not used to it. So the best place to find somebody to explore with is probably a dating site or app. It’s a lot less scary to chat someone up this way. You’ll also get a chance to talk things through with the other person before committing to anything to make sure you’re on the same page. You’ll get the chance to get excited about it too, it all starts with a little sexting. And finally dating sites and apps provide you with a certain level of anonymity if you’re not ready to be open with others about it.
8. Make your intentions clear to the other person from the get-go
Obviously this depends on the situation. If you end up having a random hook-up then you’re probably not going to spend time talking about your feelings and your life story. But if you’re meeting somebody online or thinking about sleeping with somebody you know then you need to be honest with that person. You really don’t want to make them feel like they’re an experiment for you of course, because firstly you probably won’t get end up hooking up and that will also make them feel like crap. But you do need to make it clear that it’s not necessarily going to be a regular thing because you’re unsure of your sexuality or you’re just exploring. And although you may be a natural, they’ll also know that you might not be the perfect lover because it’s new to you, which in turn will make you feel less insecure.
7. You don’t have to tell anybody if you don’t want to
The fact of the matter is that closed-minded will people make assumptions about your sexuality if and when they find out. They’ll say, “Ooh does that mean that you’re bi now?” Your sexuality is nobody else’s business and you can identify as whatever you want to identify as. So if you want to avoid any stupid questions and interferences then maybe keep this whole thing to yourself. If you’re not really bothered or are confident enough in your own sexuality then scream it from the mountain tops if you like.
6. Take your time
It’s weird, exploring your sexuality with another person can feel like losing your virginity all over again which I am sure for most of us is a memory we’d much rather forget. That’s why you should take it easy. Talk to people who have had a similar experience for advice. Read some sex columns or watch adult films. By the time you have the new experience make sure you feel comfortable and are ready. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable because being a scaredy cat shouldn’t be what stops you from doing what you want to do.
5. Be safe
At the risk of sounding like a naggy school counsellor, safe sex is something you need to think about before doing the deed. You may know the ins and outs (ahem) of safe sex when it comes to who you usually have sex with but when exploring your bi-curiosity, you’ll be inexperienced. Don’t believe anybody when they tell you that they don’t use protection. Brush up on all of the info for yourself before you go into it. If you feel in anyway uncomfortable or unsafe when it comes to getting down and dirty you’re allowed to back out.
4. There’s no need to freak out afterwards
You decided to explore for a reason, for your reason and nobody else’s. So it’s cool if you enjoy your first experience with a guy or whatever. You’ve broadened your horizons and it can open doors for you to unlimited sexual experiences. As we’ve touched upon though it doesn’t mean that your sexuality has changed. Anybody with sense knows that you don’t have to label yourself OR you can label yourself in any which way you please. So don’t over-analyze.
3. One bad experience doesn’t mean it’s not for you
At the same time if you’re not feeling it, it could mean that you’re not into it after all. You can get a good idea of what feels right or wrong for you by exploring your bi-curiosity. However, there are many reasons why sex isn’t that great sometimes. Perhaps the two of you don’t gel together, perhaps the other person was selfish so it wasn’t good for you or perhaps they just don’t mesh with you sexually. Whatever it is there’s no harm in exploring a little more if you want to.
2. Just have fun!
So we’ve talked about a tonne of potential anxieties but you’re probably reading this because you’re curious and have reservations. For some people it could be an important moment and a big change that leads to coming out. For some it could mean very little. For others it could be the sexual gratification they need. But for everyone it should be an amazing experience. Leave your reservations at the door and enjoy yourself because sex is a lot of fun.
1. It’s definitely worth doing if you want to do it
It sounds a little cheesy but in life we often regret the things we don’t do more than the things we do. So if you’re bi-curious you should explore that when you’re ready. It’s all about having no regrets. While you’re young you have the opportunity to try lots of new things as opposed to when you’re all grown up and settled down. So take this chance and go after it. Everybody deserves to be happy and sexually fulfilled.