Insecurity is a word that all of us are allergic to because it’s an indication of weakness, low self-esteem, and feeling like you’re never enough. It’s one of the biggest struggles anyone could go through, for both men and women alike. Having feelings of insecurity can swing both ways in terms of effects and depending on the person. Strong persons would rise above their insecurities and use them to better their lot in life. Weaker persons, though, may resort to more drastic measures, such as stress eating, closing themselves off from the world or going through life with a chip on their shoulder.
Women seem to be dealing with more complex insecurity issues than men. That’s because women have always been considered the weaker ones and have had to struggle with making their way in the world for centuries. Women have always been relegated to double standards, coming under scrutiny for behavior that men can easily get away with. Women are expected to be beautiful. They’re expected to be born with domestic skills. They should have maternal instincts. With all the pressure females are constantly under, is it any wonder why they have so many insecurities?
15. She has daddy issues.
A father plays as big a part in his children’s lives as a mother does, for his sons as much as his daughters. Children usually seek affirmation and approval from their father more than their mother and when their father doesn’t give them this, it can lead to a lot of hurts and insecurities in the long run. Lots of girls have daddy issues which carry on to their adult life. Maybe her dad was always working and never got to spend time with her. Maybe he never made an effort to get to know her and become a shoulder to cry on. Maybe he was always critical of her, making her feel that what she did was never enough. Whatever the case, all of these things will more than likely form her attitudes and outlook when she’s an adult, especially when it comes to forming her own relationships. A strong woman would make a conscious effort to work doubly hard to ensure she doesn’t let her daddy issues affect her relationship with her spouse.
14. She was bullied by mean girls.
There are bullies and there are their victims. One of the worst things about living your life in a cliché high school movie is being the one who is bullied. And in this day of technology, bullying isn’t only limited to face to face interactions. Cyberbullying can be even more toxic and dangerous. A girl who was bullied as a child and or as a teenager will carry the scars with her till her adult life because nothing is more painful to a young girl than being made to feel rejected and excluded from the Regina Georges of their social circles. Bullies carry around their own insecurities, but that’s a different story all together. Those who are bullied may grow up to desperately seek acceptance from others and can have fears of rejection. Even something as simple as not getting invited to a friend’s wedding while some of her friends are on the guest list can impact a bully victim greatly.
13. She has a hot best (female) friend.
Having a childhood best friends is one of the most profound experiences any little girl can have. Forming friendships is part of her growth socially and emotionally and when she’s able to form a bond with another little girl of the same age and interests as herself, then they’re in for dozens of memorable adventures. One catch about being joined at the hip though, is that when you’re always seen together, people tend to compare the both of you. And no one likes to be compared to anyone, especially if you’re being viewed as the “lesser “ of the two. If your best friend is hot, people will likely tend to look at you as the “not hot” one and this can be a source of numerous insecurities. You’ll never feel like you’re pretty enough, especially if all the guys gravitate towards your best friend and leave you out in the cold.
12. No one asked her to prom.
One of the most momentous events of any girl’s young life in high school is going to prom. Many scoff at it as an overrated event and even choose not to attend it. But for most girls, it’s a huge deal. It’s the one night they get to dress up in a pretty dress (or suit, depending on their fashion preference), get swept off their feet by their date, get a corsage, and ride a limo with their friends to the prom venue. But before they can experience any of that, they have to get themselves a prom date first. In these modern times of feminism, it’s perfectly normal for the girl to ask the guy to prom. But for the hopeless, conventional romantic gals out there, they still get a thrill from being asked. And it would be such a blow to a girl if all her friends are asked to prom—and she’s left in the lurch because no guy bothered to ask her.
11. Her partner’s ex is hot.
In a relationship, it’s normal for the couple to talk about their past relationships, though of course, not in graphic detail. Do we really need to know how many sexual partners our significant other has had in the past? Our guy would probably withhold that kind of information, but once the relationship gets to a deeper level emotionally, it’s normal to start opening up about any past serious relationships. So what happens when you meet your guy’s ex-girlfriend, the one he measured all women up against, the love of his life up until they broke up, and you see that she’s an absolute knockout? Beautiful, angelic face, great body, and with a brain and personality to match. How can you ever compete with that? Even if you get reassurance from your guy that you’re more than enough for him and that he loves you now, you can’t help but wonder why he’s with ordinary old you when he could be with a bombshell like her.
10. Her guy cheated on her.
Making a decision to open up your heart to someone and letting them in is a risk that not very many people, men and women alike, would like to take. Because while loving someone and allowing yourself to be loved by someone is one of the greatest feelings in the world, it also makes you susceptible to potential heartache. Relationships are an investment of the heart, and it’s an investment that either pays off or gets blown to smithereens. One of the most common reasons for a relationship to fail is when one or both persons cheat on the other. In fact, being cheated on is probably the worst thing that can happen to anyone. When a girl finds out that her boyfriend cheated on her, whether it was by his own admission or he was caught in the act, she’ll tend to question her self-worth and wonder why she wasn’t enough for him to have stayed faithful.
9. Her boyfriend only shows interest in her when intimate
It’s a fact that men are naturally physical beings. When they get attracted to a woman, the first thing that attracts them to her is her physical appearance. That’s why men are known to be the gender with the wandering eye. They also have strong sexual urges, though the modern woman has been catching up in that front. But there are jerks who sleep around and get together with a woman plainly for sex. There are misogynists out there who only show interest in a woman during sexy times and don’t care to hear about her ideas or cater to her feelings. If you’re with someone who treats you as such, leave him posthaste. Don’t let him devalue you by treating you that way because you deserve better than being merely arm candy and a means to release sexual tension!
8. She didn’t get into her university of choice, while her friends did.
Women these days strive to seek higher education, whether it’s going to college or university and choosing where you want to study will usually depend on several factors. The main factor is usually the area of study. Psychology? Architecture? Medicine? Secondly, is the location of the campus. Do you want an institution that’s in a warm climate? Or do you want to experience winters? And of course, the cost. If you scored high enough on your SATs and have an impeccable scholastic record, you may be able to land a scholarship, but not everyone gets that opportunity. Most people have to pay their way through college. One of the most heartbreaking things to happen is when you don’t get into your first choice of school, but the rest of your friends were top of the pick for their favored schools. That’ll definitely make you wonder why you weren’t good enough for the school you wanted.
7. The guy won’t call her back after that first date.
Blind dates and set-ups can one of the be most tedious activities to go through, most especially if you’re the one going on that date. The matchmakers have it easier, simply pairing the couple with each other. But imagine the immense pressure of having to go on a date with someone you don’t know. And this kind of pressure also includes meeting someone and having him ask you out based on that first meeting. Will first impressions last? Hence the need to put your best foot forward on the date. Dress to the nines, bottle up any angst or baggage you carry around, and put on a smile on your face. After the date, you actually think it went well and you believe him when he says that he’ll give you a call sometime for a repeat. But as one day becomes one week and one week becomes one month, he never calls and you realize that he didn’t enjoy your company after all. Were you such bad company?
6. She has a crap job and a crap apartment.
One of the reasons high school reunions are set 10 years after graduation is to give the graduates a chance to make something of themselves, whether on the professional or personal level, and have something to show for when they meet up with all the people they spent their formative teenage years with. It’ll certainly give you great pleasure to attend said reunion dressed to the nines, sporting a huge engagement ring on your finger, with a gorgeous fiancé on your arm, all the while telling everyone that both you and your future husband are big shot lawyers in the biggest law firms in the country. But not everyone finds that kind of success 10 years after graduation, or at all, for that matter. At 28 years old, it’ll suck if you’re waitressing at a diner and living on tips and at the end of the day, you come home to a tiny apartment in the seedy side of town, an apartment with leaking faucets, paper-thin walls, and a fridge that keeps conking out.
5. She got married way too early.
These days, 40 is considered the new 30 and it shows that that’s the mindset of majority of women in the sense that women are marrying at a later age than how things were 20 years ago. The main reason for marrying early was because that biological clock was a-ticking. But with modern technology, it’s possible to have babies in your mid-40s. Adoption is also widely accepted, since tons of celebrities are foregoing getting pregnant in favor of adopting. But there is the occasional woman who chooses to marry at a young age. Young, meaning straight out of college and it could be for varying reasons. Maybe she got pregnant unexpectedly and wanted her baby to be legitimate. Or maybe it was a conscious decision because she wanted to have kids at a young age so she could grow up with them. The problem with marrying young while the rest of your female friends are out partying, dating, and traveling is you tend to feel like you’re missing out. While your friends talk about their hook ups in Ibiza or their wine tasting trip to Bordeaux, your contribution to the conversation is how often you express breastmilk or how exorbitant daycare fees are nowadays.
4. She’s 40 and single.
On the flipside, no girl wants to be the last one to get married in her circle of friends and acquaintances. While those who marry way too early feel like they’re missing out on the fun stuff that single people get to do, women who still find themselves unattached by the time they’re pushing 40 can have it tough, too. The average age women marry these days is around 35 and by that time you hit that mark, you’ll find that the only events you’ll be attending are bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, and kiddie parties for your friends and their kids. Unless you have the “devil may care” attitude of Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones, then it’s most likely you’ll feel put out by being the only to show up to these events sans a partner and babies. By the time you’re 40, you’ll feel the long-term effects of being single, whether it’s by choice or by circumstance.
3. Her man doesn’t make her his priority.
Aside from cheating or long distance, one of the other major factors in the breakdown of a relationship is if the couples don’t prioritize one another. This is the reason why many marriages have broken down, especially in Hollywood. Celebrities tend to put their relationships aside in favor of their very busy, very demanding careers. After all, it’s tough to juggle a relationship and a job that requires you to be away for months at a time for filming and press junkets. One aspect will inadvertently have to take a backseat to accommodate the other. It’s all about balancing things, which is likely more doable for ordinary folk than celebrities. When a man prioritizes his job and his friends over you, you won’t be able to help but feel neglected. You’ll think you don’t matter as much as the other things and people in his life. If he constantly ditches a date with you for poker night with his guys, that says something about the health of your relationship.
2. Media standards.
A girl’s biggest hindrance in gaining and sustaining some self-confidence is the standard of beauty that the media constantly bombards us with. According to the media, a woman is considered “beautiful” when she’s young, skinny, with clear skin, a perfect white smile, lustrous locks, and an enviable body that includes rock-hard abs, toned arms, and just the right amount of tits and ass. If you don’t fall under any of the criteria just mentioned, you’ll inevitably consider yourself sorely lacking in the physical department, therefore, you will consider yourself far from beautiful. We sometimes fail to realize that the media standard of beauty is not real. Celebrities look the way they do, no thanks to great make-up artists, in-demand personal trainers, personal chefs, and of course Photoshop. It’ll be for our own sanity if we remember that if you take away all of those Hollywood enhancements, these celebrities will just be your regular persons with physical flaws and imperfections.
1. Her body isn’t what it used to be.
A woman’s greatest enemy, aside from wrinkles, is a body that used to be supple and tight, turning lose and flabby as she grow’s older. This especially holds true after having a baby. Once you have one, your body is forever changed, no matter how much you work out and diet. Unless you get liposuction or a tummy tuck, then you’ll have to deal not just with unwanted bulges, but also stretch marks and cellulite. Looking at your old high school pictures and seeing yourself in teeny bikinis or midriff tops and looking amazing in these outfits won’t help you in feeling better, unless you’re looking at these photos as a motivating factor to lose weight (the healthy way, of course). But it’s best to accept that your looks inevitably change with time as part of the natural aging process. The worst thing to do is to compare yourself with your younger self.