This is the deal –weird stuff happens at work. Why you ask? The answer is quite simple, as a matter of fact. We spend so much freaking time at work that it begins to feel like home. For some of us, we spend more time at work than we do at home. Basically, we live at work and we go home to eat, sleep, shower, and change clothes. That is the modern-day human being. This is how we roll. And in rolling like this, we are under constant pressure and stress and that, too, might be the reason for super strange behavior at work. We feel at home and start to act like we’re at home; we feel comfortable and let it all hang out, let loose, be extra. You get the picture. This might be you. Or you might know this exact co-worker –the extra comfortable one who’s taken things to a new level with some ratchet behavior display at work. To be honest, at this point, some of these confessions are pretty standard –but some are new, even to me. Have a good laugh at what people have been caught doing at work and see if you can’t identify yourself or someone you know in one or more of these confessions.
14. The bath in bathroom
“Some of the guys from our Denmark office are in town. I went to pee while I was working graveyard shift. It’s 2am and I’m definitely the only person in the building in my mind. Wrong. In strolls Dúdbrö, who completely undresses, and neatly folds his clothes. Then walks into a handicapped stall. Walks back out, then walks into the next stall, and the next, until he was out of stalls. I’m done peeing, but I’m still watching for the wtf factor. Guy walks up and in broken english asked where the shower is. It all made sense at that point, but definitely strange. The next day he asked in a meeting why it’s called “bathroom” when you don’t bathe in it. I had never put much thought into it until that point.”
It just so happens that bathroom means something altogether different for non-native speakers; most people will call the place where business is done a toilette. A bathroom signifies a place where one can bathe themselves. This is not uncommon in other countries where there is a real distinction between the two; so it makes sense that within a work place where plenty of foreigners come together this would happen.
13. Meat Feast Pizza
“I worked in a nationally known restaurant ending in “izza Hut” serving only 1 particular food. I was responsible for only cooking the particular food item and not seating or serving customers. Well one day it seems all of our servers are missing (2 high school stoner guys and a woman well into her 40s). It was dead in the restaurant but we have a rule that there always has to be at least 1 person on the floor. So I go around back to see what the deal is thinking I’m going to find them huddled together in this space by the dumpsters smoking weed (this happened on a regular basis). So I sneak up to the area quiet as possible in order to catch them in the act. It is weird because I normally could smell it in the air but nothing today. I peep my head around the corner ready to let them have it. All I can see is one of the stoners down on his knees with a different kind of sausage in this mouth with the 40 year old woman standing by and watching with a smug look on her face while smoking a cig.”
12. DIY Manicure
“Was a temp job, thankfully. I was in the breakroom when the boss came in, picked up a long knife from the dish rack, trimmed his fingernails with it, put it back in the drawer and left.”
This might not be the first time you’ve heard of someone cleaning their nails at work. It’s tough enough working in close quarters, but on top of it to deal with personal hygiene and habits is a whole other issue. People often times clean their nails in the privacy of their own work cubicle or office, but to do it in a public space, like a breakroom is something altogether gross. Some even go so far as to clip their nails at work; and this goes for both fingers and toes. You’ve seen it at work and you’ve seen it in public on buses and metros. There’s no shame in some people’s hygiene game. This is in no way, what-so-ever, acceptable. Call your co-workers and bosses out about this behavior, but kindly and discreetly.
11. The booger bandit
“We had a booger bandit at a place I used to work. They got so out of hand with the boogers wiped on the bathroom stall the Operation VP held an emergency meeting and threatened DNA tests for all employees. Pretty much everyone was all about the DNA test idea and miraculously the booger wiping stopped instantly. Guess the booger bandit didn’t want to risk it.”
Yo, people are just straight up disrespectful and nasty. It’s one thing to have a messy home, but it’s another thing to bring that mess into the workplace. However, it makes sense. We carry our habits, good and bad, with us everywhere. And with so much time spent at work, it’s no wonder some of those habits eventually reveal their dirty little heads. This begs the question, If you’re already in the bathroom where there’s both toilet paper and soap and water, why the boogers on the walls or mirrors, like why, just why?
10. Getting Busy
“My manager at my last job was bonkers. Lovely girl, but no self-esteem and would accept anything that even slightly resembled a compliment. Anyway, I came in one day and the disabled loo was engaged for a long time… Turns out she was shagging one of the guys in there. Loudly. We worked in a restaurant and it was full. I couldn’t look her in the eye for a while after that.”
Of course, not the first time you’re hearing this story; this story is probably much closer to you than you’d like to admit. You might have been that manager or that manager might have been your best friend or sister. Whatever the case, this story is not so uncommon. There are more vulgar stories that we will not get into here; but you can imagine that some bathroom humping stories go pretty far and have details that are not appropriate to publish here.
9. Sleep where you stand
“The maintenance guy sleeping in the broom closet with his pants around his ankles comes to mind. I never even told my boss about that because I was so embarrassed I didn’t want to even get into it.”
Technically, this guy didn’t get caught doing anything because he was sleeping. But this is something that embarrassed the viewer so much that it remained a secret. Sometimes work is hard and we grow exhausted. Sometimes we didn’t sleep the night before. Sometimes it’s just so boring we lock ourselves in a broom closet, pull down our pants, and take a quick nap. I mean that stuff happens, right? So here’s to the guy in the closet who decided that his beauty sleep was more valuable to him than his job and his security; here’s to the guy who says screw the man and does what he wants. May we all be more like this maintenance guy at work and in life in general. Sometimes life calls for our pants to be around our ankles.
8. Got milk?
“We have a 20L container that we fill with milk for the coffee machine. We pour the milk out and clean it at the end of the day. Caught a coworker drinking the leftover milk straight from the container.”
Milk lovers are no joke. If you know one or are one, then you know what I’m talking about. Those who love drinking milk like seriously love drinking milk. They are die-hard milk fans and won’t just drink it by the glassful, but will all the way get down on gallons and jugs. This dude is clearly one of those milk lovers. The quantity is enough to tell you, but so is the fact that he was caught drinking it from the container. That’s boss status and he’s drinking that milk like a boss. While the milk aspect might not appeal to you, some of you would have no problem with this story if the milk was replaced with juice or any carbonated beverage of your choice. Judge lest ye be judged, guzzlers of the world.
7. Workaholic meets lazy person syndrome
“I worked with a woman 20 years ago that had a private office on my floor. She told me that she would be too busy sometimes to go to the restroom so she would just change her tampon at her desk to keep from having to get up and interrupt her work. Not really sure why she thought she needed to share this information with me but I’ve damn sure never forgot it.”
This woman is caught between two personalities. One is that of the workaholic. She can’t be bothered to leave her desk for mere minutes in order to attend to her female needs. The other is sheer laziness. It doesn’t take but a few minutes to go from desk to bathroom, the changing itself is but seconds, and voila. By the way, since no one has brought it up –how did she wash her hands and where did she dispose of the used tampon. There are some details that need filling in and point less to workaholic and lazy, and more to bacteria and germy.
6. No Robin Hood lives here
“Once worked at a community center as a Music Teacher. Sometimes we get other chores or do other things to help each other to finish work. (Phone calls/clean/whatever). Months into my work I got asked if I could help build a “foundation store” to sell donated food to the poor for extremely cheap. After months of work the store became very successful and we helped a lot of families. Sadly one day I went back to the store during a “closed day” to check it up as a boss told me to lock all the doors of the center. As I went in I saw some of my other bosses stealing money (that was supposed to go for donations) and food (that is for the poor).”
Stealing from the poor and giving to the rich. This is wrong in so many ways. What is the reverse of Robin Hood? A scoundrel, a crook, a non-human. People who do not value what they have or consider the consequences of their actions –these are people of privilege and who don’t care much for the welfare of others. That being said, they are not the first people masquerading as philanthropists. This happens much more than we’d like to admit. Humanity is so yucky.
5. Camping anyone?
“My coworker forgot something at work and came back late to find 2 people had set up a tent and were banging in the office (in the tent).”
People have slept at work time and time again. There is no shortage of those stories. They might have some financial woes they’re dealing with, family issues, relationship difficulties, etc. –we might have been that person who sleeps at work just to finish a project on time. It happens, it’s not uncommon, and it’s not at all bizarre. But when people decided to bring in their own tent and gear as though they’re going on an outing, this is something that raises eyebrows. It’s as though they are using the office as their own private, romantic getaway. And sometimes work-related romances happen. So let’s not be too hard on this couple who, rather than spend an exorbitant amount on a hotel, decided to cut costs and do it in a tent. I give them props for being so creative; bonus, they weren’t actually doing it in public view because of the tent factor.
4. The flasher
“One of my coworkers often would pull up her dress and flash another girl in the office for fun. One time she decided to do it in the copy room just as the owner of the company walked in.”
This sounds pretty innocent to me. I mean, girls flash each other for fun; and guys get in on the fun, too. It’s a human thing. It’s to break monotony and add some spice to a rather dull work environment. But sometimes, these innocent little games end up stabbing us in the back. Unfortunately, work and fun are not synonymous and the idea that we can intertwine the two just doesn’t seem possible. In some offices, this concept is being challenged, but for this poor girl, it sounds like this might have been a faux pas. Let’s just hope the owner saw the humor in her action and didn’t see it as a direct offense to her/him and the company.
3. Meet me in the stairwell
“Had a pair of coworkers who would go out to the back stair case (worked in a high rise in NYC), which no one ever used, and would do whatever it was that they did with each other. The more complicated part was, she was married, and he already had 5 kids, from 2 different baby-mamas, one of whom worked with us.”
Again, work and sex seem to go hand in hand. We spend hours upon hours with co-workers and get to know them on a very personal level; sometimes, we spend more time with co-workers than our own partners and loved ones. This is a sad fact of life. And this is what leads us to affairs and to temptation. We don’t mean for it to happen, but it seems inevitable and it seems that to some of us it happens way more than just the one time. Some people have their preferred hook-up spots and for this couple, they were quite fine in the stairwell situation; perhaps they enjoyed the acoustics in there.
2. The scavenger
“He cleaned out his ears with qtips (that were used to clean a large scanner) once and on another occasion, went into the garbage to retrieve an unwanted donut that had been bitten into by me and another coworker.”
So the guy scored some used q-tips and cleaned his ears with them. Not so bad, not horrible –I see no real offense here. But digging in the garbage for a donut. That’s crossing the line a bit. I get it. We are wasteful. We are wasters of food, we are wasters of water, we are wasters of everything under the sun –it’s true. This guy is not the first one to go digging in the garbage for food. However, there must be some work ethic or code of ethics or work handbook –something, that says this sort of behavior can be harmful to others. He could contaminate the entire work space by sticking his hand in the trash and then, ugh, consuming something from its dredges. This violates something, I’m almost certain. But what he does on his own time is his own business, that I know.
1. Would you like jam with that?
“The nasty deli lady took off her shoes and socks in the breakroom, to pick out the sock lint of her toes. gag”
We already talked about cleaning nails at work, but we’re talking about cleaning feet. Hands are often dirty because they are exposed to the elements. We touch almost everything with our hands and we don’t often wash them. Well, we don’t wash them as often as we should. But working at a deli and touching feet are not two things that go hand-in-hand. The feet stay caged up all day inside socks and shoes. Some people have sweaty feet, some have smelly feet –some have both. Touching feet or even touching shoes and preparing food violates health codes. It’s literally against the law to handle food and not be hygienic. But she’s not the first and she’s not the last. And to be honest, this is a pretty mild story –others have been known to be way more vulgar and gross with what they do to the food they serve. Hint, start eating at home and you’ll avoid the nightmare.