We've got the music on blast over here! — come on, jam with us — "Don't want no short short man. Don't want no short short man. Eeny, weeny, teeny, weeny, shriveled little, short short man. Don't, don't, don't. D-don't want, don't want. Don't want, don't want,". The rapper on the classic hip house song we're rocking to, Sandra Gillette, is only saying what women around the globe are disinclined to say out in the open. In layman's terms: she wants a big 'D'! Basically if you come at her, you better come correct and with some serious firepower; if you're packing a .22, you best stay home — .45 caliber and up esé is all she's interested in firing off!
Some of your favorite celebs, ladies, are indeed packing some serious broom sticks. Not only can these guys entertain you through their music and/or movies, they can also send you climbing up the wall faster than Spider-Man on phencyclidine! One celebrity's tickler was said to look like a 'giraffe's neck' — while another celeb's love muscle, actually scared a R&B singer and ran her off frightened! Keep in mind, that all the studs on this list have been confirmed and signed-and-sealed by another party. Rest assure no rumors or hearsay live here...these fellas have more sausage than a state fair baby!
16 Good Vibrations From Mark Wahlberg
When you hear Eminem say in one of his rap verses, "The stalker that walks awkward, Stick figure — with a d**k bigger than Mark Wahlberg,", that's when you know it's real! Aside from Em's co-sign, Wahlberg's past underwear modeling ads too demonstrate him possessing something hefty in them drawers. The movie Boogie Nights also added onto Wahlberg's "king beef" reputation, after the actor displayed an enormous schlong at the end of the film. Wahlberg admitted it was a prostethic genital he was wearing in the motion picture, nevertheless, underneath the prop he's still packing something serious. When Wahlberg (alias Marky Mark) dropped a song back in 1991 entitled "Good Vibrations", was he perhaps referring to the vibrations and convulsions women get from his dong during shagging? Hmm yeah, we think so.
15 The Real Superman, Dwight Howard
When a well-traveled adult film star like Mary Carey says you have the biggest peter she’s ever seen, you can roll over every night and sleep really really well. NBA center Dwight Howard — 6'11", 265 lbs — is a humongous man ALL around the board it appears. As she was hopping into her whip outside LAX, Carey nonchalantly told TMZ the Houston Rockets big man was a "big" man...the biggest man, in fact, she had ever seen. "PHOTOGRAPHER: Which athlete would make the best adult movie star? CAREY: That's a tough one. I'd go with Dwight Howard, just because I've seen it before and it was really big. PHOTOGRAPHER: So, Dwight Howard has the biggest...CAREY: That I've seen.". Well, guess we know now why they call him Superman!
14 Leonardo "D" Caprio
According to actress/model/former beauty pageant contestant Bobbie Brown, the Titanic never actually sank...it's in Leonardo DiCaprio's shorts! Years back, Brown described a 1-night encounter she had with DiCaprio back when he was in his early 20's. "His moves may not have been too smooth at the time," — she told Us Weekly, describing that DiCaprio had barrettes in his hair and when they were about to do the wild thing he first serenaded her with TLC’s “Waterfalls” — but she was QUITE surprised by what happened next. “When I pulled his pants down I was like, ‘Holy s***.’ I’d just been with Tommy Lee, but Leo looked huge.” So let's get this straight — DiCaprio has a net worth of $245 million, fights and slays bears, and has a large wing ding to boot? Leo, we give you props; you are officially that dude.
13 Jared Leto's Big Rod
Jared Leto‘s ex-girlfriend film actor in the "other" industry, Corina Taylor, once spoke on his junk. She said and we quote, "I've been an actress for the ["other industry"] for three years, and Jared was the most I ever had to work with.". Taylor stated she never came across anyone bigger, and that Leto has a future in XXX movies if he ever wants it. In her profession, Taylor's probably seen thousands of joysticks...thereby, her claiming that Jared Leto's is the biggest she's ever laid eyes on makes the compliment that much more profound. The gods must of been smiling when they assembled Leto — professional singer, guitar player and songwriter, inordinately handsome and charming, Academy Award winning actor, multimillionaire, AND a huge rod! Must be nice.
12 Liam Neeson's Everlasting Evian Bottle
You may recognize Liam Neeson from the Taken series and Schindler's List. On the other hand, former America’s Next Top Model judge, Janice Dickinson, identifies him by his enormous baloney pony! In 2007, Neeson's ex-flame, Janice Dickinson, spoke about him in her tell-all book. Dickinson quoted Neeson as having the, “Biggest P***s of ANY Man Alive”. She also said in regards to Neeson, “He unzipped his pants, and an Evian bottle fell out.” An Evian bottle though...really Janice? That is quite intense. If that's the case — Neeson probably has issues at the ticket stand whenever trying to enter a movie, for they likely think he is attempting to smuggle a beverage into the theater! Can you imagine, "Excuse me sir, step aside for a second please. We don't allow outside beverages in and it appears you have a bottle in your trousers." Haha, lawd.
11 JR Smith's Happy To See Somebody
We gather Cleveland Cavalier baller JR Smith is not "happy" to see this particular fan — but it looks like he's happy to see somebody, sheesh, — perhaps it's a hot lady taking the pic or something! We've heard rumors there are some serious salamis swaying around inside of NBA locker rooms, but, this particular image proves the theories are in fact accurate. Smith looks like he has a law enforcement tactical flashlight in his sweats...better yet, a police billy club! What Smith's packing, will make a man reassess his whole life for real. The saying goes, "speak softly, and carry a big stick". Well we don't know if Smith is loud or speaks softly, but we surely know that he carries a big stick with him. Good lawdy!
10 David Beckham's Tractor Exhaust Pipe
We've all seen David Beckham's underwear ads — and let's openly admit, the man resembles a sculpture of a Greek god! H&M didn't pick Beckham as their spokesperson/model only because of his pretty face or soccer skills, ya know what I'm sayin'. Posh Spice (who goes by Victoria Beckham now) from the famed group the Spice Girls, apparently, did not pick Beckham either due to his super soccer playing skills. Victoria told The Sun in regards to David's manhood, "It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!". Whoa nelly! She also said that what you see in the [underwear] photos is what you get (or at least what she gets on the regular!). No wonder every every time you she Posh in a pap photo she looks merrily.
9 Jon Hamm Is Commando-In-Chief
Alone, actor Jon Hamm has a total of 5 Tumblr's dedicated to just his 'D'. Yeah, it's obviously that serious. The cat's out the bag that Hamm retains his own ham in his underpants...well, more like a Bratwurst if anything! You'd think, Hamm would be ecstatic that everyone knows he's swinging like a pendulum; for that's every man's top dream. However, Hamm actually hates the talk surrounding his endowment. "Would you want people walking up to you and pointing at your d--k? I can't believe I'm still talking about this.", Hamm said to one reporter. Speaking for all males, the answer to your question is...yes, YES we want people walking up to us and pointing at our shafts in amazement. If a genie popped out of a lantern and granted us 3 wishes, one of those wishes would be for people to walk up to us and point at our pee-pee citing how colossal it is! Straight facts.
8 Michael Fassbender Could Play Golf With His Hands Tied
When George Clooney comments on your unit size on stage at the Golden Globes, you know you've done something right in your previous life. After Clooney won the award for Best Actor in a Drama over Fassbender (who went nude for his role in Shame), he joked that Fassbender 'could play golf with his hands behind his back'. Yikes! See it's one thing when a woman remarks on your doinker, though, it's a whole 'nother thing when a male points it out. Male pride and male ego are real — therefore when a man puts all that testosterone to the side and actually admits another man's tool is bigger than his, and on top of that compliments it...then that strapping gentleman is indeed the truth ruth! Hell even The Fate of the Furious co-star Charlize Theron had a few words for Fassbender's plonker, saying, "Your p***s was a revelation. I'm available to work with it any time." Yeah, we bet you are!
7 Jay Z IS Big Pimpin'
Evidently, Jay Z was not exaggerating one bit when he said he was BIG pimpin'! Word on the curb is, Jay is packing like an armed guard on night watch. According to Carmen Bryan (Nas' baby mother), Jigga man's genitalia can be described as: "a baby's arm, the neck of a giraffe or/and an elephant's trunk". The neck of a giraffe huh...that's quite a description if we must say so! Other sources, have too revealed the rapper has an above-average pogo stick. Matter fact, one lady confessed, "The biggest d*** you will ever see in your life. Huge. Like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. What do you call those things? The 20-ounce bottle. It's beyond huge. It could block the sun." Even Beyoncé sung about it in her song Ego: "It's too big, it's too wide; It's too strong, it won't fit; It's too much, it's too tough; He talk like this 'cause he can back it up,".
6 Serge Ibaka Is Tucking Elmo
Serge Ibaka of the Toronto Raptors is known for his high jumping ability and fierce defense. After viewing this pic of him, he is also known now for one more thing — having a monster kielbasa! The NBA baller is slinging something very substantial down below...it looks like Elmo is asleep inside his pants or something! Could you imagine, ladies, if you rolled over in the morning and THAT thing was staring you in the face? Well, we figure you will imagine it after viewing this image...imagine it over, and over and over again (lol). The Raptors organization needs to thank us after this article, for we're sure Toronto Raptors ticket sales (from female Canadians) are about to increase significantly now.
5 Tommy Lee's Third Leg
When Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee's X-rated tape leaked in 1995, it quickly caught fire and became a major controversy/scandal. Previous to the tape, we had seen Anderson's naked body many a time as a result of her unrivaled Playboy tenure. Nonetheless, the shock factor about the tape...was in fact, Tommy Lee's wood size. It was HUMONGOUS! It literally looked a third leg. What was also baffling on the tape, was how Anderson was taking all of that salami in like a pro. Forget Playboy, Anderson could of had Jenna Jameson's throne and then some! After the tape dropped, unsurprisingly, Lee's notoriety went through the roof — women treated him like he was a Beatle and guys literally bowed down before him whenever his presence graced them. If the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, than his sons (Dylan and Brandon) are super duper lucky to have Tommy as their old man.
4 Ray J Puts Foot In One's Mouth
Come on, we've all seen the Kim Kardashian and Ray J racy tape. Frankly, it's the tape that made Kim famous and put the Kardashian/Jenner family on the map. Quiet as kept, we all know why the former couple's home video is the most infamous celebrity sex tape to ever be released...3 words... Ray-J's-Anaconda! Yes, Ray's mammoth chub took the world by surprise and gave a whole 'nother meaning to the phrase "big things come in small packages". Ray J stands at 5'7" and weighs in at about 150 something lbs. — traditionally small for a man. Well looks are obviously deceiving, because on the tape, Ray unleashed a monster wang that would put most adult film stars to shame! A foot long seemingly, you see Kardashian having the time of her life with Ray's wonder worm. How Kanye followed that up, we have no idea...
3 Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson Got Women Shook
“I looked at his p***s and I said 'You know what? Unt uh!'”, is what singer/reality TV personality K. Michelle said about former NFL star Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson. Sheesh...Ochocinco, what can you possibly be packing in order to scare chicks off!? You must have the Loch Ness Monster in your boxer briefs or something! K. Michelle went on about it in an interview: "His p***s is SO big, I would not let him have sex with me. Because I did not want him to stretch my walls out because I need them. I need them. I looked at his p***s and I said you know what? Unt Uh! I’m not–that thing is unreal. I can’t. I can’t take that. He’s a cool, nice guy, he still is funny. But, I was not screwing him with that p***s." If you didn't know, for a male, that's like the ultimate compliment. Then a dude can go tell his friends, "Yo cuz, shorty saw my joint and ran off scared for the hills." Now that's pimpin'. Salute Chad.
2 Chris Brown's Rub-A-Dub Chub In The Tub
On one random day in 2011, Chris Brown stepped out of the shower and elected to snap a photo of his skin flute to send to one of his female companions. Of course you know what happened after that — she leaked them online quick fast in a hurry on WorldStarHipHop. The pic(s) showed the "Look At Me Now" singer wielding a beastly tube steak between his legs! In an interview (for Radio Big Boy), Brown stated he is comfortable with his body (yeah, we bet!) and casually took the nudie for a friend. Though the image displays Brown owning a large meat popsicle, Brown says that he was in fact "not excited in the pic". Sheesh, if that is how he looks flaccid...lord help us all!
1 Justin Bieber's Baby, Baby, Baby Arm
If you didn't believe Justin Bieber had a pork sword in his pants, well...BELIEB IT! The singer left nothing to the imagination when he bared it all while on vacation in Bora Bora. In the midst of Bieber letting it all hang out, the pap were able to snap several pics of Bieb's pocket rocket from a distance. Soon after, the nudies leaked online and 'broke the internet' in half. The images revealed Bieber was packing meat like a seasoned butcher. Even Bieb's dad (Jeremy Bieber) proudly commented on the pics via Twitter — “What do you feed that thing? #Proud daddy.” Brazilian model, Tati Neves, too gave the "Sorry" singer a stamp of approval — “He’s [Bieber] well-endowed and very good in bed”. Truly, we are all Beliebers now.
Sources: The Chive, Guy Spy, Slideshare, TS Johnson Online
